April 4 (Day 2)

And so begins the rest of my life. I don’t quite know how I’m going to live that life. That’s not an “Oh my God, my life is over!” statement; just an observation that I don’t know how to live a life without Barbara in it.

For almost 40 years, she has been the center of my life. My waking moments were joyfully spent doing things with her and for her. Travel, meals, watching television, reading the news, all of those things were just excuses to be with her. She is what gave meaning to everything I do.

Now what? I don’t quite know how to decide what to do moment-by-moment without taking Barbara into account. I suppose I shall eventually acquire new habits, new bases for action, but for now I am rudderless, drifting.

Elizabeth is a great help. She gets me moving. Yesterday and today we hiked at Casper’s Wilderness Park. Got me outside and moving. I know the past few months have left her weary and distracted, too.

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